Wednesday, January 26, 2011

How Spoons Save Money....

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Rog's Place,' and
noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt
pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the bus-boy brought our water and utensils,
I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, ' Why the spoon? '

' Well, ' he explained, ' the restaurant ' s owner hired Andersen Consulting to
revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they
concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It
represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back
to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift. '


As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare.
' I ' ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an
extra trip to get it right now. '

I was impressed.


I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter ' s fly.


Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging
from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, ' Excuse me,
but can you tell me why you have that string right there? '

' Oh, certainly! ' Then he lowered his voice. ' Not everyone is so observant.
That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the
restroom.

By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out
without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the
time spent in the rest-room by 76.39% and saving 1157 gallons of water per
week.

I asked quietly, ' After you get it out, how do you put it back in? '

' Well, ' he whispered, ' I don ' t know about the others, but I use the spoon. '

........

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Makes You Think....:)

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy.He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.
He studied Economics
and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire.. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his
birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations
for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ....What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame.... what a disappointment.'


The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

so...

moral of the story...?

Don't be too quick to judge....:)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Absolutely Brilliant

Just got his in my mailbox - and had to pass it on 2 u....:)

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

Sunday, January 16, 2011

OUT OF THE HEAD QUIZ...

FIRST QUESTION:



YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE

THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?











~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~











ANSWER : IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,

THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE

SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!



TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.

NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,

BUT DON'T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS

YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?











SECOND QUESTION:

IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?

(SCROLL DOWN)









~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~











ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE.....

WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??





YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?





THIRD QUESTION:

VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:

THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.

DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.

TRY IT.







TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.

ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 .. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.

NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?





SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....









~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~












DID YOU GET 5000?



THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100...







IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!

TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?



MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT.... MAYBE...







FOURTH QUESTION:



MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:



1. NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4. NONO, AND ???





2. WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?















~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~










DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T.

HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!















OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,

I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO

REDEEM YOURSELF:











A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.

BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE

SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS

DONE.

NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A

PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?











~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~






IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE

HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...

DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??

IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!

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