Wednesday, March 30, 2011

HUGE VIRUS COMING ! PLEASE READ & FORWARD !

Not sure of this is for real or not, but...

you decide 4 yrself:

This has been checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus! and also checked Snopes, and it is for real. Get this E-mail message sent around to all your contacts ASAP.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS!

You should be alert during the next few days. Do not open any message with an attachment entitled 'POSTCARD FROM HALLMARK,'regardless of who sent it to you. It is a virus which opens A POSTCARD IMAGE, which 'burns' the whole hard disc C drive of your computer.

This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address on his/her contact list. That is the reason why you need to send this e-mail to all your contacts. It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it!

If you receive a mail called' POSTCARD,' even if it is sent to you by a friend, do not open it! Shut down your computer immediately. This is the worst virus announced by CNN.

It has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus. This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept.

COPY THIS E-MAIL, AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS.
REMEMBER: IF YOU SEND IT TO THEM, YOU WILL BENEFIT ALL OF US

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

S.A Government makes huge profits from crime. This came in from the UK!

This came in from the UK! S.A Government makes huge profits from crime.

Question: "What is the influence of crime on the S.A. Govt?"
Answer: Crime generates millions and millions of Rand's for the SA Government

Here are the facts....

Example 1:

Take just one million home owners in Gauteng who pay for "armed crime reaction" (not crime prevention) where private security companies react AFTER the crime has taken place - no wonder they never make any arrests!

This service costs on average R250 p.m. Therefore 1,000,000 x R240.00 x 12 months x 14% VAT, generates R403 million in tax revenue for the SA Govt!


Example 2:

A car thief steals a R500,000 car and receives between R10,000 and R30,000 for his deed. The car owner is paid out by insurance and then purchases another similar vehicle, on which
he pays 14% VAT of approx R70,000 as a direct result of crime. Who profited the most? The thief or the SA Govt?

We must begin with a mechanism whereby the SA Govt is forced to reconsider this unconstitutional and immoral practice of profiting from crime!

All South Africans should demand that all payments related to protection of life and property should be VAT free and Tax deductible!

This principle should also apply to replacement of stolen property as well as estate duty. If a person dies as a result of crime we should also demand that estate duty not be paid. How much do you think the SA Govt. has made out of estate duty from the murders of 1300 South African farmers?

The S.A. Govt likes to compare us to overseas. Well overseas your safety and security is covered by your income tax and is tax deductible!

It is time that South Africans stood together and made the Govt. and public aware of the Govt's "income" from crime. In the meantime crime is the goose that lays the golden egg.

Is it also not unreasonable to expect victims of violence and hijackings to pay their own medical costs? The Govt. should pay for these expenses as well as family counselling for victims!

Come on South Africa, ask the right questions and demand the right answers!

You could just delete this message or you could help make a difference.
Pass on - now!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN WHEN:

You call a bathing suit a 'swimming costume'.
You call a traffic light a 'robot'.
You call an elevator a 'lift'
You call a hood a 'bonnet'
You call a trunk a 'boot'
You call a pickup truck a 'bakkie'
You call a Barbeque a 'Braai'

The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.

The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just finished watching

You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.

You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any.

You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them.

You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.

You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously.

You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer.

You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.

You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.

When you are a victim of crime and say: 'At least I'm still alive'.

You know a taxi can move twice it's certified number of people in one trip.

You travel 100's of kilometres to see snow.

You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee

To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750.

More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.

People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence, Given, Patience, Portion, Sugar, Sound, Coronation

'Now now' or 'just now' can mean anything from a minute to a month.

You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.

Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway/freeway.

You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it.

A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes.

The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday.

You paint your car's registration on the roof.

You have to take your own linen and pillow with you if you are admitted to a government hospital.

You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one.

Prisoners go on strike.

You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car.

You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once

Ruwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.

You consider a high crime rate as normal.


VIVA !!!!!

Police Raid in Hillbrow

> Police Raid in Hillbrow
>
> Gauteng Police just announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 2 tonnes of heroin, R80 million in forged South African banknotes and 25 trafficked Nigerian prostitutes all in a block of flats behind the Hillbrow Public Library.
>
> Local residents were stunned.
>
>
> A community spokesman said: "We're shocked. We never knew we had a Library!!"

Psychiatrist vs. Bartender

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under
my bed at night. So I went to a psychiatrist and told him, “I've
got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody
under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the
psychiatrist. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be
able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“Eighty pounds per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I'll sleep on it,” I said.

Six months later the psychiatrist met me on the street.

“Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?”
he asked.

“Well, Eighty quid a visit three times a week for a year is an
awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for £10. I was so happy
to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new
pickup!”

“Is that so!” he said with a bit of an attitude. “And how, may I
ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there
now!!!”



DUMP THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS. GO HAVE A DRINK AND TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Why women should simply be loved.....:)

On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast.

They heard the announcer say,


"We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowploughs can get through."


So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said,



"We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through."


The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says,

"We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out.



The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said,

don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowploughs can get through?"


Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied,



"Why don't you just leave the ****** car in the garage this time."

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Wisdom of the elderly.....:)

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you were better looking it would lift itself."

Friday, March 4, 2011

MOTHERS - real mothers....

Real Mothers don't eat quiche; 
They don't have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
 
Are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
 
Filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough
 
Doesn't come out of carpets.

Real Mothers don't want to know what
 
The vacuum just sucked up.

Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'
 
And get their answer when a little
Voice says, 'Because I love you best.'

Real Mothers know that a child's growth
 
Is not measured by height or years or grade...
 
It is marked by the progression of Mummy to Mum to Mother..

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mummy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mum knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't know everything!
14 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother? She wouldn't have a clue.
.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's so five minutes ago.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mum's opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mum would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mum.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
 
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
 
The place where love resides.
 
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
 
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul..
 
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she
Shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

A True Story... Something to think about...

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

'I want to repay you,' said the nobleman. 'You saved my son's life.'

'No, I can't accept payment for what I did,' the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

'Is that your son?' the nobleman asked.

'Yes,' the farmer replied proudly.

'I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.' And that he did.

Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill .. His son's name?

Sir Winston Churchill.

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.

Work like you don't need the money.

Love like you've never been hurt.

Dance like nobody's watching.

Sing like nobody's listening.

Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

May there always be work for your hands to do;

May your purse always hold a coin or two;

May the sun always shine on your windowpane;

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;

May the hand of a friend always be near you;


May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

and may you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows your'e dead.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Actual tech support conversations - scary stuff....

Actual call centre conversations !!!!! 

Customer:     'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
 
Operator:     'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
 
Customer:     'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
 
Operator:     'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Samsung Electronics
 
Caller:          'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
 
Operator:     'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
 
Caller:          'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC  wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
 
Operator:      'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
RAC Motoring Services
 
Caller:          'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
 
Operator:      ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
 
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Directory Enquiries
 
Caller:               'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
 

Operator:          'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
 

Caller:               'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
 

----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
 

Operator:        'Woven? Are you sure?'
 

Caller:             'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland
 
'. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
 

'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
 

----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Tech Support:      'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
 
Customer:             'OK'.
 
Tech Support:      'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
 
Customer:             'No'.
 
Tech Support:      'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
 
Customer:             'No'.
 
Tech Support:      'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
 
Customer:            'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Tech Support:          'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
 

Customer:                 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
 

----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Caller:  'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.
 

----------------------------------------------------------------------
 ------------------------------------------- 
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
 

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
 


Operator:         'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
 

Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
 

Operator:         'What sort of trouble??'
 

Caller:              'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
 

Operator:         'Went away?'
 

Caller:              'They disappeared.'
 

Operator:         'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
 

Caller:              'Nothing.'
 

Operator:         'Nothing??'
 

Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
 

Operator:         'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
 

Caller:              'How do I tell?'
 

Operator:         'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
 

Caller:              'What's a sea-prompt?'
 

Operator:         'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
 

Caller:              'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
 

Operator:         'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
 

Caller:              'What's a monitor?'
 

Operator:         'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
 

Caller:               'I don't know.'
 

Operator:          'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
 

Caller:              'Yes, I think so.'
 

Operator:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
 

Caller:              'Yes, it is.'
 

Operator:         'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
 

Caller:               'No.'
 

Operator:          'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable...'
 

Caller:               'Okay, here it is.'
 

Operator:          'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
 

Caller:               'I can't reach.'
 

Operator:          'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
 

Caller:               'No.'
 

Operator:          'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
 

Caller:               'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
 

Operator:          'Dark??'
 

Caller:               'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
 

' Operator:
 
      'Well, turn on the office light then.' 
Caller:               'I can't.'
 

Operator:          'No? Why not??'
 

Caller:               'Because there's a power failure.'
 

Operator:
 
       'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. 
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
 

Caller:               'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
 

Operator:           'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
 
  bought it from.' 
Caller:                'Really? Is it that bad?'
 

Operator:            'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
 

Caller:                 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
 

Operator:            'Tell them you're too
  ………   stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

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