Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Maintenance matter

Husband frantically calls hotel management from his hotel room,
"Please come fast I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she will jump out the window of your hotel". .

The manager responded,
"Sir that's a personal matter. .

"Idiot, the window won't open!
That's a maintenance matter !"

Thursday, July 12, 2012

The New, New Math..........

I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took
my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my
pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3
pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her
discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she
hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction
to her, she stood there and cried... Why do I tell you this? Because
of the evolution in teaching math since the 1960s:...........

1. Teaching Math In 1960s (when I was in school).......

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production
is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?

2. Teaching Math In 1970s...........

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production
is 80% of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1980s.............

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production
is $80. Did he make a profit ? Yes or No?

4. Teaching Math In 1990s..........

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production
is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number

5. Teaching Math In 2000s.............

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and
inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of
$20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class
participation after answering the question: How did the birds and
squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong
answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok).

6. Teaching Math In 2010...........

Un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. El costo de la
producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

ANSWER: His profit was $375,000 because his logging business is just a
front for his "other business"...............

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Airline Pilots and Engineers....

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance

(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

The lighter side of being ill...

“Being ill is one of the greatest pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work until one is better.” Samuel B...