Thursday, December 27, 2012

Pregnancy Q & A

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Old men are nicer!

An old guy was in Big W the other day, pushing his shopping trolley around, when he collided with a young guy also pushing a trolley.

He said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's just a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.

The old guy said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with long blond hair, green eyes, long legs, big boobs and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy said, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours." Most old men are helpful like that.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Exercise for over 40s

I came across this exercise suggested for the over 40's to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders.

The article suggested doing it three days a week.

1. Begin by standing on a comfortable, flat surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 1kg potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to hold for a full minute, then relax.

2. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 5kg potato bag. Then a 7kg potato bag and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 10kg potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

(I'm at this level).

3. When you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the bags.

The lighter side of being ill...

“Being ill is one of the greatest pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work until one is better.” Samuel B...