Monday, August 26, 2013

What a Woman REALLY Wants in a Man...

What I want in a Man, Original List


1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6.. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
 


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
 
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
 


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42) 

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
 
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
 


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52) 

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5.. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6.. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
 



What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62) 

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep, doesn't fart in public
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6.. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7.. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend
 


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72) 

1.   BREATHING 
2.  DOESN'T MISS THE TOILET 


SEND THIS TO THE WOMEN WHO WILL ENJOY
READING IT, AND TO THE MEN WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!

Monday, August 12, 2013

An Awkward Conversation in Heaven...

BETTY:
Hi! Wanda.

WANDA:
Hi! Betty. How'd you die?

BETTY:
I froze to death.

WANDA:
How horrible!

BETTY:
It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from
the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy,
and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?

WANDA:
I died of a massive heart attack.
I suspected that my husband was cheating,
so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself

in the den watching TV.

BETTY::
So, what happened?

WANDA:
I was so sure there was another woman
there somewhere that I started running

all over the house looking. I ran up into
the attic and searched, and down into the
basement. Then I went through every closet
and checked under all the beds. I kept this up
until I had looked everywhere, and finally
I became so exhausted that I just keeled over
with a heart attack and died.

BETTY::
Too bad you didn't look in the freezer
---we'd both still be alive.

The lighter side of being ill...

“Being ill is one of the greatest pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work until one is better.” Samuel B...