Grumpy Talk ..... :)

Not sure of this is for real or not, but... you decide 4 yrself: This has been checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus! and also checked Snopes, and it is for real. Get this E-mail message sent around to all your contacts ASAP. PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS! You should be alert during the next few days. Do not open any message with an attachment entitled 'POSTCARD FROM HALLMARK,'regardless of who sent it to you. It is a virus which opens A POSTCARD IMAGE, which 'burns' the whole hard disc C drive of your computer. This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address on his/her contact list. That is the reason why you need to send this e-mail to all your contacts. It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it! If you receive a mail called' POSTCARD,' even if it is sent to you by a friend, do not open it! Shut down your computer i...

This came in from the UK! S.A Government makes huge profits from crime. Question: "What is the influence of crime on the S.A. Govt?" Answer: Crime generates millions and millions of Rand's for the SA Government Here are the facts.... Example 1: Take just one million home owners in Gauteng who pay for "armed crime reaction" (not crime prevention) where private security companies react AFTER the crime has taken place - no wonder they never make any arrests! This service costs on average R250 p.m. Therefore 1,000,000 x R240.00 x 12 months x 14% VAT, generates R403 million in tax revenue for the SA Govt! Example 2: A car thief steals a R500,000 car and receives between R10,000 and R30,000 for his deed. The car owner is paid out by insurance and then purchases another similar vehicle, on which he pays 14% VAT of approx R70,000 as a direct result of crime. Who profited the most? The thief or the SA Govt? We must begin with a mechanism ...

You call a bathing suit a 'swimming costume'. You call a traffic light a 'robot'. You call an elevator a 'lift' You call a hood a 'bonnet' You call a trunk a 'boot' You call a pickup truck a 'bakkie' You call a Barbeque a 'Braai' The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are. The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just finished watching You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather. You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any. You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them. You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela. You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously. You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer. You can do your monthly shopping on the p...

> Police Raid in Hillbrow > > Gauteng Police just announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 2 tonnes of heroin, R80 million in forged South African banknotes and 25 trafficked Nigerian prostitutes all in a block of flats behind the Hillbrow Public Library. > > Local residents were stunned. > > > A community spokesman said: "We're shocked. We never knew we had a Library!!"

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a psychiatrist and told him, “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.” “Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the psychiatrist. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.” “How much do you charge?” “Eighty pounds per visit,” replied the doctor. “I'll sleep on it,” I said. Six months later the psychiatrist met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked. “Well, Eighty quid a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for £10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new ...

On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowploughs can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to p...

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you were better looking it would lift itself."

Real Mothers don't eat quiche;   They don't have time to make it. Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils   Are probably in the sandbox. Real Mothers often have sticky floors,   Filthy ovens and happy kids. Real Mothers know that dried play dough   Doesn't come out of carpets. Real Mothers don't want to know what   The vacuum just sucked up. Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'   And get their answer when a little Voice says, 'Because I love you best.' Real Mothers know that a child's growth   Is not measured by height or years or grade...   It is marked by the progression of Mummy to Mum to Mother.. The Images of Mother 4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mummy can do anything! 8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mum knows a lot! A whole lot! 12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't know everything! 14 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother? She wouldn't have a clue. . 16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's so five minutes ago. 18 YEARS OF AGE - That ol...

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death. The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. 'I want to repay you,' said the nobleman. 'You saved my son's life.' 'No, I can't accept payment for what I did,' the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel. 'Is that your son?' the nobleman asked. 'Yes,' the farmer replied proudly. 'I'll make you a deal...

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!   Customer:     'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.   Operator:     'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.   Customer:     'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.   Operator:     'Sir, they are our opening hours'.   ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------   Samsung Electronics   Caller:          'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'   Operator:     'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.   Caller:          'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC  wall socket a...