To all connoisseurs of good puns...
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How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.
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I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
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How do you make holy water?
You take some regular water & boil the hell out of it.
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Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
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Two windmills are standing in a wind farm.
One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?”
The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
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Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.
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What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
A maybe.
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I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
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When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
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She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
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Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?
I don't know and don't really care.
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I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
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Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
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My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.
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The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
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I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
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Need an ark? I Noah guy.
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I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
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Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
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What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
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What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
