Grumpy Talk ..... :)

What I want in a Man, Original List 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6.. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises   What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)   1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner   4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries   What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)   1. Not too ugly 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture   7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. S...

BETTY: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Betty. How'd you die? BETTY: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! BETTY: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. BETTY:: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. BETTY:: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive.