Grumpy Talk ..... :)

There are 4 questions. Don’t miss one. 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down. The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. 2 How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer! Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend… except one. Which animal does not attend? Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator - you just put him in there. This t...

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office... 'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication You prescribed has to be taken For the rest of my life?' 'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence... Before the senior lady replied, I'm wondering, then, Just how serious is my condition... Because this prescription is marked 'NO REPEATS'.

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.... The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.... In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, stil...

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a hoot. It's the tortoise life for me! 1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. 2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat. 3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 5 years. 4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so. I'm retired. Go around me!

Paraprosdokians definition: a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation e.g. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 10. A bus station is where a bus...

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?" ............

Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly. "Why are you crying?" Bob asked. "I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill. "So? Are you afraid?" "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely. Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?" To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!!!!!!"