Grumpy Talk ..... :)

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing,...   Chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says...  "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she Ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."   Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says...  "Better think it over  ....women like that are hard to find."

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills... When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.  It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.     1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.  2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.         5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.   ..... CONCLUSION:   Eat and drink what you like.     Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Q:  Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?  A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.   Want to live longer?  Take nap.  Q: Should  I reduce my alcohol  intake?      A:  Oh  no. Wine made from fruit.  Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Grain good too. Bottom up!  Q: How can I  calculate my body/fat ratio?  A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two body, your ratio two to one.  Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular ex...

A blonde chick gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year old kids.    She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.   She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him... 'You ok?' she asks.  'Yes,' he replies.   'You can go and play with the other kids, you know,' she  says.  'It's best I stay here,' he says.   'Why's that, sweetie?' asks the blonde.   The boy looks at her incredulously and says:  "Because I'm the goal keeper!!!" ..... (my humble apologies to all blondes...:)

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.  One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."   Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"   Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."   Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance. Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should d...

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile....! An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary... The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved “I love you, Sally.” On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars! Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.” Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?” ...