Thursday, June 27, 2013

Male Logic (Critical Thinking At Its Best!)

Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

(This is where it gets scary !)

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending
each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?

Man: Correct

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct

Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could  have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No

Man: Where’s your Ferrari?

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Male vs Female at ATM machine....

Sorry ladies - but this landed in my mailbox and it was just too good to pass up on...

 MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
               *A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

Thursday, June 13, 2013

WALKING THE DOG...

A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco.


Unexpectedly,


The plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way.

The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes...

Everybody got off the plane except one lady


Who was blind...

A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight...


He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

The blind lady said,


"No thanks, but maybe Buddy


Would like to stretch his legs."

Picture this:

All the people in the gate area came to a complete stand still when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind!


Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses!

People scattered.


They not only tried to change planes,


But they were trying to change airlines!


True story.....



Have a great day and remember.....



THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Is it Male or Female?

FREEZER BAGS : They are male, because they hold everything in...but you can see right through them.


PHOTOCOPIERS : These are female, because once turned off....it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed...but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.


TIRES : Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated


HOT AIR BALLOONS : Also a male object... Because to get them to go anywhere.....you have to light a fire under their ass.


SPONGES : These are female...because they are soft......squeezable and retain water.


WEB PAGES : Female...because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.


TRAINS : Definitely male... Because they always use the same old lines for picking up people..


EGG TIMERS : Egg timers are female because....over time...all the weight shifts to the bottom.


HAMMERS : Male..... Because in the last 5000 years.....they've hardly changed at all...and are occasionally handy to have around.


THE REMOTE CONTROL : Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male....but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it...and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push...he just keeps trying...

The lighter side of being ill...

“Being ill is one of the greatest pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work until one is better.” Samuel B...