Grumpy Talk ..... :)

Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3 Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00 which includes a tip (This is where it gets scary !) Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct? Man: Correct Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct? Man: Correct Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could  have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? Man: Do you drink beer? Woman: No Man: Where’s your Ferrari?

Sorry ladies - but this landed in my mailbox and it was just too good to pass up on...  MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE                *A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, The plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes... Everybody got off the plane except one lady Who was blind... A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight... He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy , we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind lady said, "No thanks, but maybe   Buddy Would like to stretch his legs." Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete stand still when they looked up and saw the pilot...

FREEZER BAGS : They are male, because they hold everything in...but you can see right through them. PHOTOCOPIERS : These are female, because once turned off....it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed...but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons. TIRES : Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated HOT AIR BALLOONS : Also a male object... Because to get them to go anywhere.....you have to light a fire under their ass. SPONGES : These are female...because they are soft......squeezable and retain water. WEB PAGES : Female...because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on. TRAINS : Definitely male... Because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.. EGG TIMERS : Egg timers are female because....over time...all the weight shifts to the bottom. HAMMERS : Male..... Because in the last 5000 years.....they'v...