Grumpy Talk ..... :)

I think every human should get a chance to read this!!! "Dogs Welcome" A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote: SIR: "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too.

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. 'You talk?' he asks. 'Yep,' the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?' The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so... I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.' 'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running... But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle...

A few important facts about retirements that actually makes it seem like a prospect looking forward to... Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after they fall asleep in the recliner. Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one but it might take all day. Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Question: Why don't retirees mind being called seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount. Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? Answer: Tied shoes. Question: Why do retirees count pennies? Answer: They are the only ones who have the time. Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? Answer: NUTS! Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as so...

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? A big company fired their President after just nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not the fired president who's lacking intelligence. 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.' 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. 4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up ...

Please consider the following questions:   ·         Do you have feelings of inadequacy? ·         Do you suffer from shyness? ·         Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.   Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living. ...

This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking ..   Scroll down slowly and be honest with yourself.   (13 sections all in all - so keep scrolling...:)

Fourteen Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives  1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.  2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.  3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.  4. Dogs' parents never visit.  5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.  6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.  7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.  8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.  9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"  10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.  11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.  12. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a pervert.  13. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it i...